Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Gardener's Christmas

Hi, all! If you're still watching for updates, thank you! The last couple of months has been a little nuts and I decided to drop out for a while. I hope to be blogging again during the new year. I couldn't let Christmas go by without a shout out to my garden peeps, though, so here's a little poem I wrote for those of you starting to feel the winter blahs!

A Gardener’s Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the garden
Not a damn thing was happening (begging your pardon.)
The bulbs were all planted, the shrubs all were trimmed
Nothing remained for the gardener’s whim.

The gifts for her spouse neatly were wrapped
A book and some music had seemed quite apt.
With no garden work to brighten her day,
She said “Goodnight!” and quit the Christmas fray.

But what of said spouse who still had no clue
What to get his gardener? He knew not what to do.
So there he sat, alone with his quandary,
Disconsolately folding the laundry.

When out on the deck there arose such a clatter
He threw down the socks to see what was the matter.
And there he stood, a man we all know
Dressed in white fur and red velvet and snow.

“My good man,” Santa exclaimed, “Whatever is wrong?
It’s the day before Christmas; why is your face so long?”
“It’s my wife, Santa, sir, I’ve found her no gift.
Come morning, I’m afraid she’s going to be miffed.”

“That’s a serious problem,” Santa agreed.
“But we can solve this dilemma, guaranteed.
You merely must tell me what is her passion
And the answer will come to us in a timely fashion.”

“Her passion is plants, in all shapes and sizes
Flowers and shrubs and trees that win prizes.
I’ve no idea what to get this mad gardening wench!”
“Why, nothing could be better than a new potting bench!”

With this exclamation, Santa shook out his bag
And out flew a table with hardly a snag.
“It’s large and quite roomy and has many shelves.
It’s also very sturdy – it was made by my elves!”

“What an idea, Santa! It’s just what she needs!
She’ll be so excited to start some new seeds!”
“And,” Santa said, “until seed season is nigh
You can keep her busy with this pair of bonsai!

“They’re just the thing for gardeners who itch
For lovely green things about which to  . . . complain.
Why, Mrs. Klaus herself, who finds winter grim,
Relaxes most blissfully while giving the ficus a trim.”

“Now, here are a few things, just to round it all out;
A new pair of knee pads, a watering can with a spout
Waterproof gloves and a pair of bright boots
Will put a happy smile on the face of your patoots!

“One last thing, now, and then I’m away
A gift card to a plant nursery will finish the day!”
Out the door he sprang, in his brilliant red suit
Leaving a grateful husband to wrap all the loot.

He was heard to exclaim, as the sled hit his bum
“Merry Christmas to all and to all a green thumb!”